by Matt Bell
- I’ve searched online for Anthony Hudson’s whereabouts but have so far come up empty. He seems to have absolutely no internet presence, just as he had no locker room presence. While not being on social media is annoying for me trying to track him down, it’s kind of enviable that he’s able to so deftly avoid seeing what all his critics have to say. While there is no Anthony Hudson by name roaming around the world wide web, there have been certain breadcrumbs that only the truly adept detectivists, like me, can follow. Have you heard about the new Oreo flavors that are coming out this summer? Birthday Cake, Cotton Candy, and Caramel Apple Oreos to name just a few. Common wisdom says “If it ain’t broke don’t fix it”. Anthony Hudson’s conflicting philosophy of “Broke? I’ll show you fucking broke!” would suggest he’s had a hand in the Oreo Boardroom. Because we know he’s a smooth talker. That’s on record. And nothing short of a complete and total bullshit artist could ever convince a professional organization that what they need is a caramel apple flavored cookie. Oreos certainly were never “broken.” They are hands down a top contender for best cookie of all time. And this inexplicable deviation from a winning recipe coupled with a complete lack of onus by the gaffers (Anthony Hudson actually demanded his All Whites call him “Gaffer?” That’s a true fact. Twat) Smacks of Hudson’s philosophy that nothing is so bad that it can’t get worse.
But you know, there are other gaps in Hudson’s resume.
- Back in the early 2000s a pair of young upstarts named Hastings and Randolph offered to sell their rinky-dink DVD by mail business to the video market dominatrix, Blockbuster Video. Blockbuster decided that the $50 million dollar price tag was too steep a risk for a nerd-romancing niche company with a stupid name; “Netflix” Weather it was the convenience of home delivery or the virtually unlimited stock of movies and t.v. that Blockbuster assumed people would be opposed to, they determined there simply was no future for Netflix and passed on a full acquisition deal. Blockbuster, instead, got in bed with an emerging media company called…wait for it…ENRON Broadband Services. The energy giant was about to venture into the world of Video on Demand. But before real work could begin ENRON became embroiled in a massive scandal involving securities fraud, wire fraud, insider trading and honest
services fraud razing the company from a global juggernaut to a penny stock, and bringing Blockbuster Video along for the ride. Following these shrewd business dealings, Blockbuster went on to invest 1 Billion dollars in a struggling brick and mortar chain store called Circuit City, also known as Not Best Buy, Not Fry’s and Not Office Depot. Circuit City would then go bankrupt just a year later. A further 1.1 Billion dollar loss would force Blockbuster into the void the very next year. Netflix is currently worth 9 Billion dollars, Circuit City is that abandoned carcass that becomes a SPIRIT Halloween store for a few weeks a year, and ENRON.com is available on GoDaddy for 99 cents. With Blockbuster’s fatal lack of vision, adaptability and reckless spending, it does beg the question…Where was Anthony Hudson in 2001?
- In 1876 the president of Western Union, the leading communications company in the nation, was offered the exclusive patent on a new and revolutionary invention called “The Telephone”. This invention would make instant communication over vast distances, heretofore, a Vernian fever dream, an exciting and world altering reality. Western Union passed on the opportunity replying directly to Alexander Graham Bell himself (presumably by telegram) After careful consideration of your invention While it is a very interesting novelty, We have come to the conclusion that it has no commercial possibilities. What use could this company make of an electrical toy? He added: Forgive the lateness of my response. The Wagon carrying this telegram was besieged by an unlikely union of Chickasaw and Choctaw Indians just East of the disputed Greer County line. Apparently, the two tribes temporarily put aside an ongoing 200 year war to unite against the Western Union wagon train. The driver, who was already suffering a particularly nasty case of dysentery, was captured, tied to a stake and consumed by insects when he misspoke the common greeting
Himmaka nittakat kapassa as inadvertently referring to the Chief’s mother in a rather unflattering light. During the skirmish, many lives were lost, both human and equine, but more importantly, the telegrams were somewhat smudged and had to be returned to the home office for fresh inking, thereby landing us squarely in the predicament we find ourselves in now. However, this is the best system to relay messages between people of differing locales. I regret only that there is no faster way to reject your so called “Telephone”.
A truly bad decision made by Western Union and their lack of vision for future development…which does beg the question; where was Anthony Hudson in 1876?